Work, work, work

It seems never-ending, this thing I call a job outside the home. Today was the first day where I didn't do anything work-related since I've been back from maternity leave. Big milestones at our house in the last few weeks: Finn is now sleeping in her own big-girl crib in her own, unfinished, orange shebert colored nursery. It's been a bittersweet transition for me. So nice to have our own space back and not tip-toe around at night for fear of waking her up, but at the same time, sad, because it's the first step away from babyhood for her... already. I can't believe how quickly the time is going. We're trying to savor every moment with both of them, but it's an impossible undertaking. I've been feeling so guilty trying to balance work and my kids. I have to work outside the home, so we can pay our mortgage, but it's even more than that for me. I need to work for my own sanity, ego, whatever. I thought I had it all figured out too. I'd work three days and be home four. It has been the perfect arrangement. But in this economy with so many investment banks closing, skating by has not been an option. At this point, I'm working to keep my job. And it's an awful trade-off. I am so thankful that neither Matt nor myself has been affected in a negative way in all of this chaos. We still are employed. We have health coverage and a beautiful home. But like most families, we've definitely cinched our belts more tightly. And, in reality, I'm preparing myself for the worst... being laid-off, knowing that it's a real possibility. I'm trying to pull my weight and then some with work, just trying to stay under the radar long enough to wait all of this out. But it's a scary time for me. Trying to work without notice has taken its toll on our family as well. It has meant late nights away from my kids, and they definitely notice that I'm not around. And even on the days when I am "around" I haven't been entirely available because I've been so busy. So, guilt has set in. Tremendous guilt. I do know that I am lucky to have had the extended maternity leave with Finley and the fact that my schedule is a much more abbreviated version of a typical work week. But still, I just feel like I'm not doing anything in my life well: children, husband or work, and that's a bitter pill(s) to swallow. Thankfully, today has been a brief respite... obviously, as I'm writing about it. While Matt and Logan slept, Finley and I caught up on all the horrible T.V. that I've missed out over the last few weeks. I mean, at this point, I'm so tired/ busy, I can't even stay up to watch the best part of American Idol: the auditions! And, as Finn is in her BGR (Big Girl Room) now, and so is our computer which does not have a wireless card, blogging or checking email is out of the question past 7, when she goes down for her first round of sleep. Okay, enough wallowing, but seriously... can't wait till we're out of this and on a rebound!



Logan is still enjoying preschool tremendously and we're still reveling in the fact that neither of us have changed a Size 6 diaper since 1/1/09! His teachers say that he is smart and well-spoken (that which we knew) but also kind and so helpful. That makes me beyond happy. Of course, Matt and I have always known that beneath the animal exterior, Logan has a heart of gold and is a good boy, but there were times when he put that theory to the test! I'm learning though that boys are different than girls (duh!) and even though Matt and I have no one else to base our experience on, all of the boy-isms that he has are still a shock to the system sometimes. The child is a huge fan of dropping his trousers and marking his territory wherever he can which is cause for alarm for innocent bystanders, but keeps me laughing all the time. He's making new friends at school... mostly boys, which is apparently very important in the three year old world, and loves his teachers. Matt tells him, "Learn everything," on Tuesdays and Thursdays which I think is such a marvelous challenge and without constraints. And it seems like he does. He's already enrolled for next September (all that hype about "getting in" to preschool isn't so much hype) and he just amazes me with how big he's getting. I often look at him with such longing for the baby days. There is no baby left in him and it's a little sad for me. I try to remind myself to remember THIS moment, THIS day, but in all the flurry of activity, I wonder if that will be possible.



We spent yesterday in Pleasant Hill celebrating Megan's 27th birthday. Matt had a tournament so it was me and the kids along with Milly and Auntie Sal. It was wonderful. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. There is something about my sisters that makes me really be myself and live without abandon. It's not always been like this for us... "normal," but I am grateful for how our relationship has matured.

P.S. It's not 2/22 and I'm finally publishing this. Talk about BUSY! I promise to update later... maybe even tonight after the kiddies are in bed and I'm TiVoing through the Oscars.

Preschool, potties, parenting and perservering

It was my first week back at work after being off for four months, and while I was ready to return, it was also a little scary for me to think about sending Finley to daycare at such a young age. That being said, I know there are a lot of moms who have to send their kids at six weeks, so why complain? Still, a scary thought. Anyway, she survived her first week. Miss Wosa loves my kid, now kids, and I had no reservations about her taking care of Finn. However, we didn't do a very good job of prepping for daycare, even though my return to work was inevitable... mainly, we did not ever teach Finley how to drink out of a bottle. Last ditch efforts were made last Saturday and they did not go over well. The girl knows what she likes! I sent her on Monday feeling like a horrible mother, and when I called Miss Wosa at 11, my fears were confirmed. Miss Wosa was feeding Finley breast milk with a spoon because the child would not take a bottle. Dios mio! I raced home around 4 and much to my delight Miss Rosa told me that Finley relented and enjoyed 4 ounces from a bottle at 3 pm. Thank the Lord!

So, on to Tuesday and another big day for our family: Logan's first day of preschool. We've chosen to send him to a preschool in Morgan Hill instead of in Gilroy and we are loving St. John's! He's in the 2/3 class and his teachers are Miss Sue and Miss Virginia. Matt made special preschool waffles for breakfast that morning (a feat he replicated today as well) and Logan put on his Diego backpack and off we went. I dropped Finn off at Nana's for the day and the three of us drove to school. Matt looked like a tourist at Disneyland with his video camera capturing every moment and I was delighted that Logan had a cubby waiting for him when we got to his classroom. He couldn't even be bothered to really say any good-byes which we took as a great sign and off we went, both of us thinking that it wasn't too long ago that we were wondering if we were equipped to be parents. When I called him that afternoon to find out how his day was he reported that "Mr. Cole" ( a fellow classmate) wasn't very nice to him and he did a special project with the letter of the month... which just happens to be the letter "L!" Logan thinks his teachers chose the letter just for him. Ahhh bliss! Anyway, he loves school. Couldn't wait to go back today and thank goodness! Seems like all the pieces are falling into place.

Logan has also decided that he is a full-fledged big boy now and is potty training. Glory Hallelujah! He's really great at it and makes it to the potty 90% of the time. He's so cute sitting on the potty (looks so big when he's on it) and looks so grown-up in his big boy chonies. For daycare and school both, we've armed him with at least six new pairs of undies and two FULL changes of clothes and he's not had a wardrobe malfunction yet! I'm sure that the fact he gets an M & M every time he pees and five for the other is a huge contributing factor to his success, but considering that this kid told me three weeks ago he'd never go in the potty, I'll take any form of bribery at this point. We're so proud of him and can't wait till he's made the transition completely! Hooray! (See above about all the pieces falling into place.)

Finley had her four month check-up today, which meant weighing, measuring, Rotatek and two shots. Alas, she's lost about a pound since 12/26 which causes some concern for Dr. Bahtia and means that I will be bringing her in to be weighed once a week till told otherwise, but still she's a healthy 14 pounds, 7 ounces which puts her in the 75th percentile for weight. She's 25.75 inches which puts her in the 90th percentile for height! (BIG smile here for tall mommy) and I'm glad we have a relatively long drink of water for a baby rather than an Oompa-Loompa. She also had the Rotatek oral vaccine which caused a chicken pox like rash last time she had a dosage, but the doctor is not convinced that was the cause. Fingers crossed she doesn't grow spots again. She took her two shots like a champ and promptly fell asleep. They're both napping now, dare I say it? It's the little things.

Matt is frantically trying to figure out how to fully fund his wrestling program for next year as the District just cut all sports programs to save money with their unbalanced budget. Hooray for California and their inability to place priority on education. What are we telling our kids? He's selling raffle tickets as a fundraiser for a chance to win a skybox at the Warriors game. Let us know if you're interested. He'd appreciate any level of support.

I am still circling and trying to make heads or tails of work. It seems like I never left and yet there are so many things that have been neglected for so long. Basically my day is spent racing out the door, racing to work, racing to pump, racing to "work," then caffeine and/ or food, the pump again, the "work" some more all to be out the door and headed back to the South Bay by 3:30 so to pick up at 5:30. Whee!

Milly is off to Thailand for a stretch with pneumonia. Hopefully she won't go into any nightclubs.

Happy 2009!

As I was walking our dogs last night I was reflecting on the year that has passed, too quickly, in my eyes and what is ahead for us in the year 2009. So much has happened since we rang in 2008 that it's hard to even remember it all.

I do remember celebrating 2008's beginning with our good friends Jay and Amy Aspiras, and their kids last year. We had so much to be excited about, learning a new Corona would be joining our family just five days before the start of 2008. It seems like yesterday that we had Logan dressed in a "button" shirt with "spikies" in his hair on New Year's Eve 2008. He was crying hysterically and most of you know why.

As we begin 2009 we are now parents of two, contemplating daycare and preschool and watching our rugrats grow up faster than we can believe possible. They are beautiful, happy, healthy and bright. Upcoming highlights for next week include my return to work after a four month hiatus. Thanks Finn! Logan will begin preschool at St. John's in Morgan Hill, and dare I say it, might even be potty trained in the next few weeks. Fingers and toes crossed on this one folks. Finley and Logan are both recovering from nasty colds that left them leveled, although Logan was sick pre-Santa and Finn waited till after our visit from Jolly Old St. Nick and our families to come down with an ear infection so severe that it required two shots of fast-acting antibiotics and a one pound weight loss for her. By no means is she an anorexic baby at all but that was the scariest part of her illness, that and the projectile vomiting at 3 am that left me and Matt covered in baby puke. I remember when getting sick was just a way of preventing hangovers!

We rang in the New Year with a hot fudge sundae at Denny's around 8 last night. I was in bed before 11 and Matt and the dogs were the only souls awake in the house to actually see the ball drop on 2009. I figure the rest of us made it till the East Coast hit midnight, same difference. We spent today together which was nice. Logan announced last night while in the bath tub that he needed to go "poo-poo" and then did so, and this morning while both parents were indisposed made it to the toilet by himself to pee. After being so adamently against potty-training for so long, Matt and I are praying that this might be the real thing. He wants to be a big boy so badly, and with big boy chonies on, he looks the part. Hopefully our size 6 diaper buying days are over, for a bit at least.... Again, here's where we look for fingers crossed!

Meanwhile, I am struggling with the reality that as of next Monday, I'll be dropping my four month old off at daycare while I return to work. It's really a bag of mixed emotions for me since I'm excited to go back and grateful to have a job to go back to, but I am dreading the thought of being away from her. Couple that with the fact that she's not wild about bottles at all and well, my anxiety level is unusually high. I spoke with Miss "Wosa" today and she assured me that Finley would be just fine and my return to work would be harder for me than her, and yes, she'll eat from a bottle if she gets hungry enough.

Logan starts preschool on Tuesday! Stay tuned for pictures of our big boy at our front door as we send him off!